Monday, October 1, 2007

Dear Britney:

Stop it. No, seriously. Cut it out.

You know, we all have bad days, but not all of us have to do it in the public eye. Let me just say that you would be really smart to not be in the public eye for awhile. Pack a bag, go find a beach to recline on somewhere, hire some kind of mental health professional, and get your head together. Think shit over.

Your career: probably not salvagable, but not that big a loss anyway.

You children: Ahhhh, there's the rub. As of the day after tomorrow, they're moving in with their father, and if you can't get your shit together for your sake, it would behoove you to get it together for theirs, or you'll watch them grow up in paparazzi photos.

Look, you've become a national spectacle. It's really sad, and I feel pretty bad for you, because I really question how much of it is actually your fault and how much of it is the fault of people who couldn't bring themselves to tell you no. You're clearly the recipient of some fairly shoddy parenting. That much is pretty obvious. But you're not a child. Make an effort to rise above it.

You might consider going away, Britney. Give us a chance to miss you, and give you a chance to acquire some of the skills that you need in life. Consider carefully-monitored medication for what I can only assume is some kind of post-partum psychosis combined with being woefully spoiled. I'm not blaming you--most people aren't blaming you. The combined hormones resulting from two babies in just over a year are not inconsiderable. Surround yourself with people who are not afraid to tell you the truth, because you seem to have a problem telling yourself the truth.

And stop flashing your bajingo all over the news. Really, put on some undies, lady. It's part of being the growup. Your kids will eventually catch wind of all of the press that your va-goo-goo gets, and they will be embarassed to know you. Your kids will be embarassed by you anyway, every kid is, but you'll be more likely to be paying their therapy bills than their college tuition.

I don't know how much of what we read about you is true, and I don't really care. Mostly I don't pay attention, but what I do know is, they don't just take kids away from their parents for no reason--my experience is that it's pretty damn hard to get kids taken away from lousy, neglectful, abusive, drunken and ignorant parents, let alone superstar parents.

Get your shit together, Britney. I'm embarassed for you at this point, and I feel sorry for you. But mostly, I'm scared to death for your boys. If you had any sense, you would be too, and you'd realize that you're all they've got, and maybe you could try to be more than what you've shown us so far.


Kimberly said...

Okay, you know I'm a pop culture idiot, so I've got no clue what Britney did this time. My comment here is merely to express my awe at how many slang terms for vagina you can fit into one blog entry. You have quite possibly the most entertaining vocabulary of anyone I know.

Treen said...

The fact that K-fed was awarded custody of the kids is a sad, sad statement.

If K-fed is the better of 2, it's a bad day all around. Those poor kids. The other day the soup played a clip where she was driving around all crazy and you saw the 2 boys holding hands for dear life in the back. They made fun of it, but it made me feel horrible for them. I think even Courtney Love had her shit more together as a parent.