Thursday, December 13, 2007

Thursday Thirteen: Things I Should Have Learned To Do

1. Play the French Horn. I like music, but it's not anything I'm particularly talented at. I can pick out a few bars on the piano here and there, and I played the flute in 6th grade but never got very good at it. But one of the first pieces of classical music I can remember hearing, and loving, was the wolf's theme from Prokofiev's "Peter And The Wolf." I would love to be able to play that.

2. Paint. I've taken...oh, dozens of art classes since childhood, including pottery, sculpture, photography, and graphic design. But anything 2-dimensional doesn't seem to be within my realm.

3. Make puff pastry from scratch. Mmmmmm, puff pastry. Making it from scratch is a skill that pastry chefs really need, and it involves a lot of butter and rolling and turning and flipping and more rolling, and I just don't have the patience for it, especially when I can just run to the store and buy a box. Still, it's one of those things I wish I'd learned to do.

4. Cartwheels. I am tall and semi-awkward and as a child I was even more awkward than I am now, and when my tiny 4'3" friends were all learning to do cartwheels in gym class, I was still trying to keep from falling off the balance beam.

5. Excel spreadsheets. There is a surprising call for me to do these in my current job, which I don't understand, given that I'm a writer/editor. I can muddle my way through one, mostly, but occasionally I am felled totally by my inability to make a column of numbers behave the way I want them to behave.

6. Get through a marketing meeting without rolling my eyes. Luckily, my boss travels most of the time and dials in from wherever she happens to be.

7. Put on eye makeup without either blinding myself with eyeliner or making myself look like someone has punched me.

8. Read a map. I mean, I can read a map, but generally speaking, I don't have a great sense of direction and I almost never know what direction I'm facing without the assistance of the little digital compass readout in my car.

9. Write like Aaron Sorkin.

10. Golf. Everyone in my family plays but me, and I swear to God, they use that time out on the golf course to talk about me behind my back.

11. Walk in high heels. I look like a drunk when I try.

12. Properly blow my hair out straight once it's grown past my shoulders. It's too long now, and I look like I gave up halfway through every time.

13. Iron. My clothes look worse when I'm done than when I started.


Kimberly said...

You play the French horn and I'll play the guitar and we'll ... frighten away alley cats most likely. And you do not need high heels.

kjones said...

Have you read the food processor trick to puff pastry? I haven't tried it yet, but it involves very cold butter in lumps, the dry dough mix, and pulses in the processor. Supposed to be a quick, easy way to get a puff pastry feel without the 13 hours of folding and rolling.

BTW, I think I can see your condo from my apartment.

merseydotes said...

I think I have things to offer you! At least I think I can do #7 and #11 pretty well, and I know I can do #8.

My MIL was telling me that she saw some pastry chef on TV flattening layers of butter between wax paper and then just peeling the paper off to layer them between dough. It still sounds like a big pain, but intriguing. Maybe for a snowy Saturday or something...

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I've got 5 and 8 down, but I'd trade them both for #9.