Thursday, December 6, 2007

A Roadmap Into The Heart of Darkness

The search terms that people use to find my blog just really crack me up. As my Grans would have said, "It takes all kinds." But honestly, this list gets longer, and weirder, all the time, and I feel like I must be nothing but a big disappointment to people who come here looking for "toothless faces" and "naughty Potter." I wish, more than anything, I'd called that entry something else. Anything else.

The big winner this month: Thanksgiving Dip. Hmm. I have to say that I am thankful without fail for almost all dip. Do you have something specific in mind? I can probably help you out, fan of dip that I am and all.

Oh Brother Where Art Thou and Brands of Car. Not really having any idea what those two things have in common, I can only assume that whoever this person was made it here a few times, then forgot my name and searched the only two things that stuck in their head to try to find me. Congratulations, and welcome back.

Is Owen A Trendy Baby Name. A little. Trina's on board but Kimberly says it sounds nerdy and Dan just generally hates it, so I guess it doesn't matter since I'm not pregnant anyway and the first kid's already got a name that's ended up being a hair too popular for my tastes anyway.

Heroine Uses. 1. Saving speeding passenger trains headed toward a cliff. 2. Being faster than a speeding bullet. 3. Gratuitous use of blue and red spandex. 4. Leaping tall buildings in a single bound. 5. Required componant of superhero eight-ball.

How To Convince Your Mom To Put Up The Tree. Put up the tree yourself and decorate it in the middle of the night while she's sleeping. She probably won't take it down once it's already up.

Bilbo's Dressing. Mmmmmm. It's got anchovies in it, and I don't care. Delicious. Also, for future reference, Google searchers, it actually comes from Gordon's Food Service and it's called "White French Dressing." Bilbo's re-packages it into their own jars. Just a little former-food-service-employee knowledge for you there.

Closing on a house is... Stressful. Terrifying. Ultimately incredibly disappointing. Wait, I don't know. My house never closed. Never mind. Seek answer elsewhere.

Carving the roast beast lyrics. Seriously, that's a song? Is it from the "High School Musical II" soundtrack?

Mom six sons. Two words for you: surgical sterilization.

Naughty Naked Thirteens. Step away from your keyboard and seek help. I recommend chemical castration. I am so not kidding.

Pizza Hut Commercial Mom I Love You Filmography. ...Wha?

Suburban Mom Hairstyle. Goes with high-waisted tapered-leg jeans, Crocs, and Christmas sweater.

There are others, but these are my favorite--or at least my favorite things to say sarcastic things about. Yay for Google Analytics and their keyword drilldown.

1 comment:

merseydotes said...

I like the open-ended "Closingo on a house is..." like it's a category on Family Feud.