Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Just The Facts, Ma'am.

I have a tendency to go looking for things like this on other people's blogs. It occurs to me that several months ago I just started writing without preamble (what sort of preamble would be required in a case like this?) and never really gave much thought to introducing myself, the cast of characters, or how I got here.

I'm Molly.

I'm 31.

I'm an only child.

I have two half-brothers (or one whole brother and one total stranger) and six step-siblings.

I am German, Dutch, Scottish, and Irish, which I guess means I am simultaneously stoic, cheap, confrontational, and drunk.

I was born and mostly raised in Kalamazoo, Michigan. I went to a non-parochial private school starting in fourth grade, as I was not "thriving" in the public school atmosphere. I blame the third-grade teacher who called me "retarded" in front of a class full of third-graders, but if you asked her, it probably could have been my fault too.

I'm not retarded. I prefer "idiot-savant," thanks.

I went to Western Kentucky University as an undergrad. I started out as a photojournalism major and ended up as an English major. I had a startling amount of fun there.

I work for a homeownership development nonprofit in the Washington D.C. area.

I'm married to Dan. He's 36 and an English teacher. He says funny things sometimes. Other times he says things only he thinks are funny, like when he suggested that, to molify pro-lifers, we feed unwanted babies to the homeless.

Dan used to be in the Army. I once asked him about friendly fire. His response: "If somebody shoots you, you probably won't feel very friendly towards them."

Our son is Max. He is two and change. He will probably, at this rate, go away to college wearing the world's largest pair of Pampers.

I went into labor at Sears in Clinton, Maryland. This was every bit as bad as it sounds. Maybe worse.

I like to cook. I also like to read cookbooks, watch the Food Network, and, to a lesser extent, eat.

I like to knit as much as I like to cook. I don't like to read about knitting or watch the DIY Network, however, and I rarely eat what I've made.

We would like another baby. However, unlike last time, it does not seem to be happening for us. If you're just tuning in, I guarantee that you will hear far more about my reproductive pursuits on this blog than you are probably comfortable with.

I started this blog because I became friends with another local blogger and she suggested I should. I'd been rolling the idea around in my head, but I needed the push.

When I was 10, I wanted to be a writer and live in Alexandria, Virginia.

I'm now a writer, but I can't afford the home prices in Alexandria.

Because I'm a writer and married to a teacher, I can barely afford the home prices anywhere in the metro area.

My best friend besides Dan is Kimberly. She is a writer also. She lives in Kentucky and has written a novel. She was my suitemate my freshman year of college. She is married to Michael. They are frequently in town for medical reasons. They're Max's godparents.

I became quite attached to Washington Nationals baseball during their first season in the area, during which I was so completely pregnant that I couldn't do anything but sit on the couch, drink decaffinated, unsweetened iced tea, and watch baseball.

When I was 25, I was diagnosed with type I diabetes. It came as quite a surprise, since I'd never had anything more serious than a particularly uncomfortable case of menstrual cramps up until that point. Yes, I take shots. No, it's not my idea of a good time, but it's vastly preferable to seizures, coma, or death.

I can live without the following: birthday cake, Doritos, space heaters, toaster ovens, dried floral arrangements, processed cheese, area rugs, the Yankees, and uncomfortable shoes.

I cannot live without the following: ice cream, central air conditioning, fresh local produce, stinky cheese, the internet, 600 thread count sheets, and Crocs (oh my God, yes. I know. They're ugly, suburban, cliche, blah blah blah. Go eat a bug. They're also light, cool, incredibly comfortable, and easy on your joints.)

Currently residing on my Celebrity Hump Island: Ben Affleck, Josh Duhamel, Edward Norton, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, and George Clooney. The Phillip Seymour Hoffman thing is totally inexplicable to me, except that, A.) he has that voice; and B.) He's brainy and funny and talented, and I find those things very appealing.

If I was a rock star, I would be Sheryl Crow. That is not to say that I have any musical ability at all, because I don't. But I'm not an 8-ball-horking blazing hot mess like Amy Winehouse, and I'm not an avant-gard, swan-wearing coolster like Bjork, so I guess that leaves Sheryl Crow.

I named this blog "the nonhipster mom" because I am not one of the cool kids. I have never been one of the cool kids. I think one of my defining characteristics is my lack of social aptitude, and I've chosen to embrace it, since it doesn't appear to be going away.

So. That's enough, I think.


Bringing Up Ben said...

My Celebrity Hump Island is almost exactly like yours - except I would swamp Josh Duhamel out for Paul Giamatti. Ya know, 'cause they're so similar. ;)

Heather said...

I love getting the facts too...but I don't like people to know how old I am for some reason. I can't decide if I want them to think I'm older than I really am, or younger.

Clearly, I'm a mess.

I think you're pretty clean.

Treen said...

Oh my god I haven't had internet in almost 2 weeks.

1. Yay for the acceptance of the counteroffer! Guess who isn't getting a house?? Me or Gerry. More bullshit updates later. We gave up for now and decided it's not in the cards for us right now. we pulled our offer 24 hours before the 800th tentative closing date, and then my parents house all but blew up when the power went out and smoke started pouring out of every room. I'm cursed.

2. And I am with you...I am SO sick of people asking about house crap. Even moreso now that I know I have to explain to everybody that I'm not getting the one we've been sitting on for 2 months.

3. Sheryl Crow is hot. I let Gerry return Padma from Top Chef to his Celeb Hump Island in exchange for him allowing me to keep Carlos Delfino from the Pistons on mine. Well, I would have kept him on there anyway.